Install this theme
I know most people have a weird turn on but

peejaybottoms:

If yours is wearing a diaper then here is the door, get the fuck out.image

ex0skeletal:

Fun shark attack facts:

  • In 1996, toilets injured 43,000 Americans a year. Sharks injured 13.
  • In 1996, 2,600 Americans were injured by room fresheners. Sharks injured 13.
  • In 1996, buckets and pails injured almost 11,000 Americans. Sharks injured 13.
  • For every human killed by a shark, humans kill approximately two million sharks.

Conclusions:

  1. Humans are assholes.
  2. Sharks are not assholes.
  3. Apparently everyone in 1996 lived in a real-life infomercial.
oh-did-i-offend-you:

"Suicide Is Illegal Because It Is A Crime To Destroy Government Property"

oh-did-i-offend-you:

"Suicide Is Illegal Because It Is A Crime To Destroy Government Property"

narabean:

"What are you doing here, honey? Your not even old enough to know how bad life gets." 
And it was then Cecilia gave orally what was to be her only form of suicide note, and a useless one at that, because she was going to live: 
"Obviously, Doctor," she said, "you’ve never been a 13 year old girl.” 

narabean:

"What are you doing here, honey? Your not even old enough to know how bad life gets."

And it was then Cecilia gave orally what was to be her only form of suicide note, and a useless one at that, because she was going to live:

"Obviously, Doctor," she said, "you’ve never been a 13 year old girl.” 

Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don’t always like.
Lemony Snickets ( A Series of Unfortunate Events)
cloudgurl:

acidhippie:

Do people really think it’s a coincidence that so many flowers’ petals resemble women’s vaginas

bc we are flowers actually

cloudgurl:

acidhippie:

Do people really think it’s a coincidence that so many flowers’ petals resemble women’s vaginas

bc we are flowers actually
  • Guy in my class:

    Sir, what if we had a gay P.E. teacher? That'd be bad because he'd be looking at all the guys in shorts.

  • Teacher:

    You're assuming that all gay teachers are paedophiles.

  • Guy:

    Well...yeah.

  • Teacher:

    Carl I absolutely promise you that NO ONE in this school wants to have sex with you

totallyfubar:


found in an abandoned house. it really makes you wonder, doesn’t it? 

Makes me wonder why the fuck your dumb ass is standing in a house with goddamn bloody writing on the wall instead of hopping aboard the nope train to Fuckthatville

totallyfubar:

found in an abandoned house. it really makes you wonder, doesn’t it? 

Makes me wonder why the fuck your dumb ass is standing in a house with goddamn bloody writing on the wall instead of hopping aboard the nope train to Fuckthatville

dalek-in-heels:

yay—stefon:

Louis C.K.’s opening monologue on SNL.

youareyourownlove:

atop-the-treetop:


oh how the times have changed 

This is definitely worth reblogging.

i reblog this every time

youareyourownlove:

atop-the-treetop:

oh how the times have changed 

This is definitely worth reblogging.

i reblog this every time